After a break up the last thing you even want to consider is becoming friends with your ex girlfriend if you still adore her. It feels like you're settling and that's not what you want. You want her back in every way possible, right? You want the woman to love you the way she used to and you want her to feel even closer to you now than she did when you to were together. That's not realistic at this point in time. If you are truly serious about getting your ex girlfriend to want a renewed romantic connection with you, you absolutely must begin by being her friend. Granted, it's going to be frustrating and disheartening at times, but the path to love is definitely filled with bumps along the way.
Your Ex Girlfriends Needs Time to Herself
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If you push immediately after the break up, for a second chance, you're likely going to push your ex girlfriend right out the door and out of your life for good. Women and men are obviously very different and when it comes to how they process break ups that's especially true. Your ex girlfriend is absolutely going to need some time to come to terms with what happened between you two. This is true regardless of whether you dumped her or she dumped you. She's on an emotional roller coaster at the moment and if you push to get back together, it will set her over the edge. She'll view you as unsympathetic and manipulative and she's going to associate those feelings with you forever.
Before you even suggest the idea of the two of you being friends, give her a few weeks alone. Try your best not to reach out to her during that time. She will appreciate this more than you know and it will show her that you respect her feelings and needs. It's best to try and busy yourself with activities that interest you. Now is an ideal time to catch up with old friends, take a course or two that may further your career or spruce up your place with a new coat of paint.
Be Mindful of Her Feelings When You Suggest Being Friends
It's not unusual for a woman to balk at the idea of being friends with her ex boyfriend when it's first brought up. She may feel that you're trying to manipulate her by becoming part of her life. That's why you must make it clear to her that you aren't looking for a close friendship, it's more about being pals who can hang out at times. If you stress to her, that you're not ready for anything romantic at the moment so you certainly aren't expecting that from her, that will definitely put her mind at ease.
She may tell you that it's too hard to be friends at first. If this does happen, don't get too discouraged. Give her another couple of weeks alone and then bring up the idea again. It's also wise if you suggest group activities for you both to participate in. When a bunch of mutual friends are heading out for dinner, ask your ex girlfriend if she'd like to tag along. Then be certain that you don't sit right next to her. You don't want her to feel that you're tricking her into spending time with her.
Treat Her as You Would Any Friend
As difficult as it will be, it's imperative that you treat your ex girlfriend exactly as you would any other friend. That means you must respect the boundaries that you have in place with anyone else you would call a friend. You shouldn't bring up the past and the relationship issues you two have faced and it's not wise to try and get her to hang out with you on a constant basis.
Be friendly with her, but not overly friendly. Call her up once a week or even less frequently just to see how she is. If you're not comfortable with talking to her over the phone because you're concerned that you won't be able to hold your composure, send her a text message to touch base.
Don't ask her anything about her current dating status and don't offer anything about what you're doing in that department. Obviously it's not a great idea for you to date other women if you're interested in your ex girlfriend as that could cause so much conflict that you'll lose all chance with her forever.
Keep the friendship supportive, respectful and kind. In time, she'll begin to let her guard down again and she'll start considering something more. By then you two will have established a strong foundation on which you can build your new and improved relationship.