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Your ex-boyfriend seems to be full of surprises. Not only did he dump you out of the blue but he's already dating someone else. You just know that he's taking her to all of your old haunts. She's claiming a place that should still be yours, and all you want to do is make it stop. By immediately jumping into a new relationship it may seem that your ex is interested in anything in the world except for you. That isn't necessarily true, though. Some things can be done to get him back – and as an added bonus, you may be able to steal him back from right under your replacement's nose.

In a way you're headed into your own quest for the “holy grail” – not only reconnecting with an ex-boyfriend but winning back his heart while he's involved with a new woman. It's going to be a bumpy journey but if you're prepared it's time to get your suit of armor in place and begin the process. Before taking a step in any direction you need to acknowledge that you may have to resort to some methods that are not strictly considered to be proper or polite. The rules of the game have changed, and it's time to step it up a few notches.


You're going to want to leave your normal inhibitions at the door without compromising yourself or your character unnecessarily. You can act in a way that is positive while still putting the game in motion behind the scenes. This means finding an innovative way to connect that doesn't flaunt your sudden presence in his new girlfriend's face.

The beginning stages of a new relationship feel magical. He's prince charming and she's… well, she's something else. They're establishing a connection based on the intensity of their current feelings – but that magic isn't going to last indefinitely. Once the sparks start to fade, your ex-boyfriend is going to be a lot more open to the possibility of talking to you – and the opportunity to get back together. You just have to wait it out for now and get yourself ready for what's to come. Don't expect him to come running back with open arms immediately when you reappear. He's going to be extremely cautious. You need to encourage the conversation by letting him think that you've moved on. Then he won't worry about his relationship being undermined right under his nose.

Of course it's going to be.

After you've waited out the honeymoon it's time to put your master plan into action but you don't want to go lunging off too far in the beginning. Now is not the time for grand gestures and pledging your undying love. Instead, compose an email that asks for something – maybe you want to return his favorite hoodie or you need some help with your car. Make it something he can respond to easily and keep it simple. When he gets back to you, you know that there's a crack in the door and you have an opening to start wiggling into by replying back and keeping the conversation active.

As the conversation continues your connection is going to continue growing. The best part about it is that his new girl doesn't realize what's playing out right in front of her. If he starts talking about his relationship or his girl, don't let your feelings get the best of you. Although you may want to scratch her eyes out, you're not going to get anywhere by being hostile or negative. In fact, if you display any kind of spite or jealousy here you may blow all your progress and have to start back at square one – and the road back will be much more difficult.

You won't have to worry about forcing your way into your ex's new life – he's going to take the initiative for you. You never know when to call him because you don't know when he's with her. Chances are he's going to call you when he gets some free time away. You want him to enjoy talking to you again and if you can interject some humor, you'll have him glad that he called. Since you're avoiding any kind of negativity in front of him, he's going to feel more comfortable as time passes and he's going to be impressed by your positive attitude. Congratulations – he's thinking about you again.

There may come a time down the road where your ex starts coming to you for advice or for help in certain problems. Those problems may include relationship issues that he's trying to deal with and he's going to be looking to you for help. You can try to help him neutrally without becoming negative. Do that successfully and his respect for you will increase significantly.

When his comfort level with you reaches its height, he's going to ask to see you. Try not to drop the phone, and don't set the bar too high for you to reach. It's a first meeting but it is definitely a great sign. While there may be some initial awkwardness when you first see each other, it's soon going to become obvious to both of you that you have the same connection that you used to. You talk easily together and share laughs without a second thought. The more times he sees you the more he'll want to – and every time you get together your emotional bond is going to strengthen. You won't have to force it – it will just happen on its own.

You're at the end of the road and you're ready to take the initiative. You've been watching him carefully and you've seen nothing but a signal to continue and you've been throwing his signals right back. The flirtations back and forth have become obvious and it's no longer possible to deny that they're happening. Then it happens – the two of you touch and it's like nothing you've ever felt. You have the beauty of a reconnection and the allure of contact that is still technically out of bounds.

Your ex is going to come to the place where he's ready to leave his current relationship behind and start over but don't let your impatience get the best of you now. Recognize that he's in a difficult situation and encourage him forward without pushing him in that direction. He'll handle it in his own way. You don't want the negativity to seep in before your relationship can even get off the ground. Trust the process and keep your cool – the end is certainly in sight.

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