You've heard the same advice time and time again since the break up. You're supposed to ignore your ex boyfriend if you want to get him back. At first glance it makes absolutely no sense at all. How in the world could ignoring a man make him decide that he wants you back? The opposite seems much more likely, doesn't it? Internally you feel that right now would be the perfect time to pick up the phone to call your ex boyfriend and suggest you two try and work things out. But everyone is screaming at you to not do that. You're confused, you feel desperate and you're worried that you're going to make a mistake that's going to cost you the man you love. Before you do anything, you need a short and concise lesson in male psychology. There's a very good reason why you should pay attention to those who tell you to forget your ex boyfriend's phone number, address and place of work.
Right Now You're Not in Control of Your Failed Relationship
After a break up the individual who is chasing their ex partner is not in control of the future of the relationship. As women we often wish we could live our lives in the pages of a romance novel. We imagine that moment when our ex boyfriend picks up the phone to say he can't live another day without us. The problem is that in reality that's not likely to happen if you're chasing him non-stop. Your actions really do speak louder than your words in this scenario and your actions are screaming a message that loudly declares, “I'm desperate and I don't care who knows it.”
He is completely in control of what happens next. If he chooses to ignore you, he knows instinctively that you're just going to step up your efforts and pursue him even more. Essentially you're telling him that the more he ignores you, the harder you'll try. Your life revolves around him and that feeds his ego. Most men in this position aren't quick to give their ex girlfriend the time of day because they want to see how far she'll push herself in an effort to win him back.
You must shift the dynamic of the relationship so that you're the one in control of the future. The best way to do that is to change your own behavior. You'll actually be surprised at how quickly he'll decide he wants you when he suddenly believes you no longer want him.
There's More to Ignoring Your Ex Boyfriend Than Not Answering His Texts
One relationship changing error that many women make before they start no contact with their ex boyfriend is they tell him of their intentions in such a way that he realizes that it's little more than a game. If you announce to your ex boyfriend that you're no longer talking to him, and you do that while you're overly emotional, he's going to view it as a tactic to get him back. His competitive spirit will kick itself into overdrive and he'll set out on his own course to ignore you. Before you know it, weeks or months will have passed and you'll both be too stubborn to reach out to connect with the other.
You're much better off just dropping off the face of the earth. The best advice you can follow is to decide one moment (now is good) that you're not going to talk or try to try to your ex boyfriend again for at least a month. Don't let anyone know that you're doing this as mutual friends love to gossip and your ex boyfriend will once again realize you're using no contact as a tool to remind him how much he needs you.
During the next month, try your best to shift your focus to something positive and enriching. It's very tempting to sit and wallow in the memories of when you two were together but that's not going to accomplish anything productive for you. This should be a month when you rediscover who you are, as a woman, and you get in touch with what you want out of life.
Redefine What Your Life Goals Are As You Distance Yourself From Your Ex
You're in for a couple of welcome surprises when you do begin the journey of ignoring your ex boyfriend. First and foremost, you're going to be shocked with how he responds. Typically a man will want a woman who no longer wants him. Once your ex boyfriend realizes that you've stopped your never-ending quest to regain his love and devotion, he'll set out to recapture your heart. It's amazing how that works. Men are notorious for wanting things in life that are just beyond their reach. When one of those things becomes an ex girlfriend, a man will kick his charm into high gear in an effort to win her back. Basically, if you take away the knowledge that you want him, he'll start to question who you do want. Once that happens, he'll come running back to you full force, trying to get you to explain to him what's changed.
The other, more welcome, benefit of ignoring your ex boyfriend is you get to finally decide, in an emotionally uncluttered way, whether getting back together is actually something that you want or need. Things look and feel much different a month after the break up. Your emotions are settled, your future is less defined and you are open to a whole array of possibilities.
Giving yourself the opportunity to take a breath from your ex boyfriend is one of the best gifts you can possibly ever get. You will finally be able to decide what is best for you and whether reuniting with him is truly the best way to make all your romantic dreams come true.