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Marriage Issues

For whatever reason you broke up with your loved one but you have now decided you want to fix your relationship. How to get your ex back is a question you now need to answer. How do you go about trying to get your ex back?

The Upside and Downside Of Trying To Get Your Ex Back

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Well first and foremost, you need to realize that there is an upside and a downside to trying to get back together with your ex. The upside is that although there are many couples breaking up every day all over the world, there are equally as many couples getting back together again. Therefore if you play your cards right, you could soon have your ex back in your arms and enjoy the magic of making up. The downside is that not all attempts to fix a relationship end with success, therefore you should be prepared for the fact that your efforts may not lead to success and, as painful as that may be, you should be prepared to slowly move on if things do not work out. Once you have got over the trauma of your relationship break up and you regain your self-confidence, you will realize that there are plenty of other fish in the sea.

Forgive, Even If You Do Not Forget The Causes of Your Break Up

It goes without saying that relationships between couples are based on trust. This mutual understanding is the glue that holds the relationship together and keeps the balance between the partners. Now, many relationships break ups occur when this trust is betrayed by a “perceived” wrongdoing on the part of one of the partners. The tremendous hurt felt by the other person in the relationship upsets the balance between them, eventually leading to a breakup.

I use the word “perceived” in the preceding paragraph deliberately because the betrayal of trust that causes deep hurt to one of the partners may not be as obvious as, say, one of them having an affair. Ironically, a lot of relationships survive infidelity because the wronged partner is prepared to work at saving the relationship after an affair if they feel their other, deeper needs are being met. On the contrary, the betrayal of trust may be as simple as one of the partners feeling they are not appreciated or supported by their partner in some way or other, and the other partner not being in tune with the feelings of aggrieved one.

Therefore, if you want to fix your relationship and you were the wronged party in the breakup, then you should be prepared to forgive your partner, even if you do not forget, otherwise your efforts to fix your relationship are doomed to failure because the past will keep rearing its ugly head. Similarly, if you are the one that caused the hurt, then you should be prepared to learn from your mistakes and avoid repeating them in the future. You both have to be prepared to put the past behind you if your relationship is to stand any chance of being successful in the future.

Strategy and Tactics

I hesitate to use the words Strategy and Tactics here because they are often associated with planning battles in war, but in a sense they are appropriate because you are involved in a battle to save your relationship and win back the love of your ex. Therefore, having laid the foundations for an attack on saving your relationship by taking on board the advice offered in the preceding paragraphs about how to deal with the causes of the breakup, you need to think about the practical steps you are going take to fix your relationship, particularly if you and your loved one have already separated.

To a large extent, your strategy and tactics will be determined by your individual circumstances, however, there are some general rules to follow in working out how to get your ex back.

Make Yourself Less Available

This advice may seem alien to the idea of getting back with your ex, but having less contact with your ex will allow you both time and space to cool off from the stresses and strains of your relationship. It will also give you, and your ex, the opportunity to take a good look at yourselves and your roles in the relationship. In addition, there is a lot of truth in the old adage “absence makes the heart grow fonder,” therefore if you still love each other, then you will begin to miss each other.

Be Yourself

Be as natural and sincere as possible when in the company of your ex. Then your ex will see the person he or she was attracted to in the first place, which should conjure up memories of the good times you had when things were good between the two of you.

Beware Of Complacency

Beware of what I call premature reconciliation. The danger here is that when your relationship with your ex shows signs of being on the mend, you become complacent and fall back into your old ways because everything feels alright again.

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