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Overcoming Relationship Problems

The Conflicts and Perceptions of Relationships

Written by: Yolanda Kinlock January 22, 2017


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No one is perfect, we all have our issues. So there will be some form of disagreement or issue that occurs during the relationship. However, society tends to create an image of a perfect relationship, and sets morals and values on how people should live their lives based on their own beliefs. Unfortunately, sometimes the standards that are imposed are not always realistic to everyone.

There are some conflicts in our lives that can be resolved with patience, communication, trust, and hard work. While other situations, may require a resolution that can be perceived in a negative way by others.

Sometimes there are things that are going on in our lives that we do not want to be brought to surface so we have to live our lives in secret. Because people have their own perceptions of what they believe a relationship should be. Some individuals do not take into consideration that there may be conflicts and complexity within certain situations.

For instance, when a friendship or a so called forbidden courtship crosses the line and develops into a level of intimacy that cannot be taken back. Suddenly the situation becomes complicated, feelings are hurt, egos are challenged, sacrifices are made, and love turns into hate. Instead of walking away some couples tend to stay together because they do not want to admit or come to terms with the reality that there relationship or marriage failed.

Almost everywhere you go there is some image of a happy couple in some slogan or commercial portraying a loving, caring, and healthy relationship. Most people would love to find that kind of happiness. While these images and perceptions are very positive, it is not the rationale of everyday life. I am sure most people would welcome having a perfect life every day; but it does not hold true for the general population. There are struggles, drama, and betrayal that befall in life. So it is almost impossible for some people to measure up to the standards that society visualizes for individuals.

Because we are expected to live prime and proper some people may tend to live by the standards set by society and not the way they really want to live their lives. And people on the outside looking in may not know what problems truly exist within their homes. Some people may smile in public and cry in private. There is probably nothing worse than waking up in the arms of someone you wish were someone else.

I look at couples that date people who fit into their circle or who they believe their family will be more willing to accept. The couples could be in the relationship for a year or so and the next minute they are engaged to be married. Sometimes they end up living their life as a lie. And when a child or children are involved it becomes even harder to leave. They pretend to be this happy couple knowing that they are both suffering inside.

There are cases where couples stay married live in the same home for the well-being of the children and they live separate lives. No one knows what is going on but the individuals involved. There is no intimacy in the marriage just good co-parenting. In most of these relationships the individuals are OK with their situations as long as people do not find out their secret.

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According to the elite, marriage is good for individuals, the economy, and society as a whole. But they fail to acknowledge that what may be good for some people may not be good for others. So some people stay married because it is a good image for society at large. But it does not necessarily mean they are happy together.

As reported by the BGSU National Center for Family and Marriage Research “the divorce rate continued to decline in 2015, reaching a 40 year low. The divorce rate was 16.9 divorces per 1,000 married women in 2015, down from a divorce rate of 17.6 in 2014.” Although, these figures are impressive it does not take into consideration that some people stay married in name only and they are actually living separate lives with other people. So these statistics can be misleading.

One may ask themselves the question, how many people are truly living in a happy marriage? I would say it is really difficult to make a true assessment. However, I would like to note there are a large number of people that are living in healthy happy marriages but it does not go without trials and conflicts because no marriage is perfect. In addition, there are also people that are married in name only or living as a couple because they do not want to face reality. So they continue to stay together and portray a life built on the standards of others.

There is also the double standard, which society imposes for the male and female gender. Sometimes we tend to judge others based on our own morals and beliefs. If a man is romantically involved with a young woman more than fifteen years his junior people are usually less judgmental as opposed to a woman involved with a young man of the same age difference.

I observed a couple on the train. The man appeared to be somewhere in his early to mid-60s and the woman could have been somewhere in her early to mid-30s. The couple was very affectionate with each other and seemed to be really in love. No one even batted an eye of displeasure. Most people smiled or did not pay any attention to them. But I could not help but wonder if it were a woman with a younger man three decades her junior would they have received the same reception? There is definitely a double standard when it comes to behavior and what is accepted or rejected when it comes to gender.

If a woman is dating a younger man who is her junior by many years she could be perceived in a negative way and well talked about during table talk. It baffles me how names such as Cougar, Jaguar, Sabertooth, and Cheetah are directed towards women who date younger men. But you seldom hear derogatory names directed towards men that date younger women. I am sure there are more names associated with women who date younger men, but the names I previously mentioned are the most common. Sometimes I question if envy plays a part in the name calling.

There are some women who will swear up and down that they could never date a younger man who is young enough to be their child. But sometimes it is the same people that are doing all the talking wish a younger man would walk into their lives, and show them adventure and make them feel young again.

Perhaps some young men are looking for mental stimulation and maturity. If it were only about sex some would probably walk away after they become intimate. Because the physical aspect is something a younger man can easily get from a younger woman or a woman in his own age group. With that said, it is not my place to judge others based on the way they choose to live their lives or who they choose to love.

It is ironic how some people tend to judge others and dictate how people should conduct their lives and sometimes they are doing the same thing if not worse. But those people seem to somehow always have an opinion.

When the relationship fails, do we blame society for imposing such high standards for the quality and expectation of one's life? Or do we blame the people who continue to live their lives to please others? The reality is to some extent, based on one's own individual circumstance the blame can easily be distributed to both or either party.

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