It's not what you've been hoping for but your ex girlfriend has extended an olive branch of sorts in the form of the suggestion that you two become friends. You're obviously disappointed given that this is not what you had in mind. You wanted to get her back as your girlfriend, plain and simple. Now that she's suggesting the idea of a friendship you're concerned that she may never see you as her romantic partner again. Before you stomp off in frustration, you need to consider how a friendship with your ex girlfriend may actually benefit you. Although it's not exactly the resolution you've been dreaming of since the break up, you need to take advantage of her offering because it may be the first step towards rekindling your lost love.
How a Friendship With Your Ex May Help You
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You've likely heard it said that the strongest and most enduring relationships are initially built on friendships. This is often the case and the reasoning is very simple. Trust is a fundamental part of any healthy relationship and if you and your ex girlfriend begin again as friends you'll both have the opportunity to prove to the other that trust is there. Regardless of why you two broke up initially, it's very hard for your ex girlfriend to want to invest her heart in you again. She's going to be feeling very vulnerable and very wary. A breakup is painful for anyone, but when you truly love and adore your partner, it can feel as though your heart has been ripped right out of your chest and stomped on.
If you agree to become friends with your ex girlfriend you'll be giving yourself the opportunity to prove to her that she can trust you with her feelings and her heart, in time, again. Naturally a friendship isn't going to offer the same connection as a romance would, but it's a way for you both to start over proving how much the other means to you.
Try and View it as a Sign From Her
Your ex girlfriend had two choices after the break up. She could either have chosen to continue to communicate with you to some degree or she could have blocked you completely out of her life for good. Instead of dwelling on the fact that she isn't racing to regain her position as your girlfriend, consider the fact that she's offering you something very valuable instead.
By suggesting to you that you build a friendship, your ex girlfriend is essentially telling you that she doesn't want to lose you as part of her life. Chances are very good that she's struggling with defining her feelings for you right now so to her, becoming friends, seems like a very safe choice. It allows her the opportunity to stay part of your life without having to wade into the difficult emotions of a romance at this time.
Realize That the Friendship Can Turn Into More
Getting back into a romantic relationship with your ex girlfriend is likely going to take some time. You need to view it as more of a marathon than a sprint. It's vital that you nurture the friendship into one that is supportive, honest and caring. You can do that by always putting your ex girlfriend first and by always giving her room to be herself.
Even if she consistently tells you that she only wants a friendship and nothing more, keep in mind that every relationship, be it one of friends or romantic partners, has an ebb and flow to it. The feelings change on a constant basis. Therefore the feelings of friendship can eventually and swiftly shit into those of dating partners again.
Don't push your ex for more than she's ready. You absolutely must allow her to set the pace for the relationship between the two of you. You can certainly be the one to reach out to her and to call her every week to touch base but don't invite her out to a romantic dinner before she's made it clear that's what she wants.
By including her in outings with a bunch of friends you'll keep the pressure off yet have the luxury of spending time with her. Treat her as you would any other friend in a situation like that. In other words, don't crowd her space or talk about what went wrong between you two in the past. She's fully aware of how the relationship fell apart so there's no need to remind her. Just keep things light, friendly and positive. This is the best thing you can possibly do if you eventually want the friendship to transition back into a loving partnership.