Right after your break up you still held out some hope that you and your ex girlfriend would work things out and get back together, right? It was that distant anticipation that kept you going and helped you find the emotional strength to make it through each and every day. Now, something has changed. You've come to the realize that your ex girlfriend won't speak to you. You've tried calling her and texting her. Maybe you've even sent her an email or a message on social media, but all you've been greeted with is telling silence. You're more than likely panicked at this point and you see any chance that you two could reunite as nothing more than an unreachable dream. That's not necessarily the case. If she's stopped corresponding with you completely, there are a few essential things you need to begin doing today to pull her closer to you once again.
Stop Trying to Get Her to Respond to You
The number one mistake that men make post break up is they keep trying to contact their ex girlfriend when she's made it clear, through her actions, that she's not ready to talk. Each time you send your ex a text or try and call her, you're essentially telling her that you don't care what she needs and that your needs trump hers. That's not the way to begin the healing process after a relationship has ended.
Your girlfriend's actions right now are indicative of someone who is still trying to process the split. If you keep pushing her to talk to you, you're going to push her completely out of your life. The respectful and compassionate thing for you to do is to leave her be. This is a very scary proposition because you're going to imagine all sorts of sordid scenarios in which your ex girlfriend meets, falls in love with and decides to marry another man. The likelihood of that actually happening is incredibly remote.
You must give up on trying to contact your ex girlfriend for your own good. Not only will it show her that you understand her need for time and space but it will afford you the opportunity to really consider whether or not rekindling the romance is the very best thing for you.
Be Selfish and Focus on Yourself
When you're in a relationship you already know how important it is to put your girlfriend first. That's why it can feel so foreign to be on your own once the break up has occurred. If you're pining for your ex, you are essentially still putting her and her needs before your own and that needs to change right now. At this moment in time you are single and that means that you should be focused mainly on your own needs and what you can do to improve your life.
Typically when a relationship crashes in pieces, both people take stock of what they did to contribute to the demise. You may have been able to pinpoint things about yourself that you know you should be changing so that in the future you can be a better partner. It's highly likely that a shift or improvement in those qualities or characteristics will also make you a better man.
Make a short list of things you want to improve about yourself. Add to the list a few things you have been putting on the back burner that you want to explore. It may be something as simple as taking a spin class or something as extravagant as backpacking around Europe for a month.
Once you have a list that satisfies you, start diving in and accomplishing your new goals. If you take the time to be selfish and focus on feeling better about you are, you are unavoidably going to end up being a better partner when you and your ex girlfriend do get back together again.
Embrace a New Relationship with Your Ex Girlfriend
As much as you've been focused on the idea of you and your ex girlfriend falling back into a romantic relationship as soon as you two start talking again, you need to let go of that and instead embrace whatever relationship she initiates.
Men and women don't always see the future the same way. For you, it might seem impossible to be “just friends” with your ex girlfriend, but for her that may be the only first step she's willing to take at this point.
Whatever type of relationship she proposes to you is the relationship you must accept. Bear in mind that many couples who break up go on to become very close friends before the romance between them is rekindled. You may have to settle for just being a good friend to her for the time being. Don't view it as a loss but instead try and see it as a second chance to prove to her that you can be the man she counts on and believes in again.