Have you broken up with that special guy in your life and have now decided, after much painstaking self examination, that you were also a contributor to the underlying reasons for the split? Has time apart also given you sufficient breathing space to now realize that this guy wasn't so bad after all and you want to try and get him back into your life so that you can start over?
If so, then here are some key steps you can take if you're asking that perennial question – how to get my ex back.
1. Learn from my mistakes, not from his. What to avoid:
- Send piles of emails, letters, stuffed animals, love sms and other things like this;
- Send the same list just to point out to my ex about where he went wrong!
- Apologize to my ex, to myself, to the world, like I was the worst failure of the universe. There is nothing worse, believe me!
- Convince him to come back to me.
- Tell him that “I can no longer live without you”
The first thing to do is avoid making things worse by committing a series of horrible mistakes, such as those mentioned above. Then, after I have managed to not make these mistakes for at least 6-7 days, its likely that you're ready to go to step 2, as follows.
2. Clearing the mind
Moving forward with a clear and rational head is a pre-requisite for a successful and lasting reconciliation. But I know wheat you're thinking. The only thought in your head is … how to get back my ex back? If I want to make a successful attempt at getting my ex back I should dedicate time to myself and inner awareness. Understand clearly and objectively the reasons of the break up. This can and is best done in solitude. Appreciate the time alone and give it the right value it deserves. Solitude will eventually allow your thoughts to give way to understanding where I can improve. It is a great panacea to gradually help overcome feeling lonely, anxious, and abandoned.
Dedicate “me time” to do sports, to continue to write a book, spruce up my wardrobe as well as other things you'd love to try but have been putting off. This is the point where you need to take the time to nurture the qualities that will help prepare for the fertile ground needed to re-cultivate that relationship.
The second phase can mean a personal commitment for days, weeks or even several months. However, it will definitely pay off in the long run because it will bring about serious and lasting change if, and only if, you want to become a better person.
3. Give more time and space to my partner
The third phase is spontaneous. After you have successfully traversed the first and second phases, you will feel a quiet self confidence that transcends your whole person. You'll be more aware of your energy and personal power. Make sure to let your ex know that you're okay without him. Invite him to go out for a coffee, a pizza, or even an innocent walk. You will begin to understand that you can live your life with calmness, confidence and enthusiasm, regardless of whether you choose to remain single or not.
Giving more space and time to your ex means letting him know that you accept the end of your old relationship. At the same time, it's also an opportunity to show him that you've have changed.
4. Improve yourself and your quality of life. This is a gift that you give to yourself, not to the world!
The weird thing about those who say “come back to me my love, I'll change, I swear …” … is that these people will likely never change (or will have a hard time of doing so). This is because changing oneself only to win a boyfriend back, with no other broader goals of total self improvement, does not produce significant or lasting results.
Have you heard of the principle that states “if I change to love, I do not know what love is, but I know all too well what fear is”? If you change only to get your ex back, with no wider ambition of personal improvement, the paradox is that you may very well manage to scare him off even more. This is because we humans, as rational beings, always look for a partner that feels good, feels secure and has the ability to encourage and lift us up in times of need.
The fourth phase is intrinsically linked to the third. If a relationship ends, do not throw your arms up into the air and say it's all hopeless. Rather, study the reasons that led up to the end of the relationship. Do not blame yourself or your ex because your collective weaknesses can become strengths. Sustainable relationships are the ones that go well beyond just physical attraction. Positively changing your mental, emotional and physical state is important if you want to bring back true and lasting desire into a relationship.
5. When My ex sees me once again, my overall appearance will be excellent!
The best way to build a visible inner peace, joy and happiness that's on display for all the world to see, isn't about changing or altering what we can not stand. On the contrary, it is to be ourselves. The fifth and final stage of our journey is designed to pay attention to some of the subtle personal and physical things that complement our other efforts to get our former partners back.
- Exercise your body by doing a little sport. Just enough to have a toned and healthy body.
- Keep an upright posture, walk with you chin up and with a firm step, but do not overdo it.
- Care for your appearance. Wear comfortable clothes, with the right sizes and fit and make sure they're always clean.
- Choose a hairstyle that enhances your face and body. Use the right amount of perfume or deodorant – you don't want to choke him to death before you've had a chance to reunite!
If you implement the 5 steps outlined above, you will have done most of the essential ground work to create what I would call the ideal climate to allow you to hook up with my ex once again. Remember though, if your ex partner does not come back (after all there can be no absolute guarantees in matters of the human heart), don't throw yourself under the bus”. You will have grown mentally and emotionally more resilient through your own self maturation process and be like a new person who will have the right inner strength, attitude and poise to seize the world and all it has to offer!